Here is my short story.....
Single-parent families are becoming increasingly common these days. It’s a little alarming and I say that as a single parent myself. Alarming because that’s really not the divine order of things and there is always a teeny weeny difference between those children raised by single parents and those who had both parents present and loving them.
There are families who have both parents alive but one is an absentee parent and those, in my books, are single-parent families. Many people don’t really understand the meaning and implications of parenthood. Putting yourself first ceases (ideally) when you become a parent. It really is quite a costly affair (and it’s more than just money) because you will have to let go of things that were important to you if you want your children to grow up right. Quit cursing, watching violent movies, eating foods that give you gas if you’re breastfeeding because the baby will get bloated and uncomfortable too, start watching cartoons with the kids, appreciating the fun that is playing in mud and many many more things. But I digress.
Where it began
There’s a story behind every family and how it became how it is. My story isn’t a cliché of what happens to most young girls (at least at that time). But it is becoming increasingly common these days. I started my first job when I was a little over 18. I remember not having an official pay slip because I didn’t have a national ID. It truly was a lot of fun and quite the eye-opener while it lasted. Great workmates, great experiences and opportunities.
My time lapsed and soon after I fell in love. It was crazy! I was ready to ‘settle down’. No, I was ready to get married to this guy. Settling down, I’m not so sure. Like other young people I hadn’t weighed the situation accordingly and didn’t know what I would walk into.
Thankfully, I started seeing things I didn’t like and would not put up with while we were still talking about marriage. My priorities and his were worlds apart and I suddenly couldn’t see us having a future together. Of course I’d been told by my mother but I brushed her off and argued that she was being biased. I finally saw it myself and started planning my exit from the relationship.
Of the conscience
A month later I’m visiting my best friend a thousand miles away and then I puke my guts out early evening. We joke about pregnancy then she takes me for the test a week or so later. Bam! I’m pregnant. She was more shocked than I was! Haha! Or maybe I was just in extreme shock because I usually just freeze and go blank when in shock. This is how it went down after that.
I considered abortion for a while but I couldn’t go through with it. My conscience wouldn’t let me and I kept asking myself how two wrongs would make a right (the first wrong was premarital sex – I’m a Christian, you see). My mum gave me the option to go to school while pregnant or stay home and give birth then go to school. My baby daddy asked me to move in with him. I chose school because it was a major priority for me so when the time came I gladly enrolled even though I was about six months pregnant. The rest is history, as they say.
Like every other single mum who has accepted their situation and moved on to actually live life, I wear this badge with honour. I wouldn’t trade motherhood for the world and it has definitely made me a better person. Marriage proposals have come and gone (relax, not more than 3 serious ones) and I’m still here, better than ever. No longer bitter or trying to prove a point but working towards the best of my child’s life, my own life, myself and anybody else I interact with. I’m at peace.
