Manhood Redefined?

For the longest time men have been considered the stronger gender and they relished that with all they had. Women were constantly reminded of their place and were to be seen but not heard. They were taught their domestic duties wherever they went. There were even finishing schools to turn them into proper ladies! Imagine that! “My daughter just graduated and a proper lady she is!”, mothers would properly swoon.

That brought about women who were good at what they did behind the scenes and when they appeared in public they would still be able to fit right in. Men of course enjoyed this because there was no power struggle. The power was ‘rightfully‘theirs after all.

Someone somewhere got agitated about the fact that women were only ‘allowed’ to become homemakers and housewives yet there was so much more in them that they could take advantage of and achieve. Thus began female empowerment. The girl child was reminded constantly that she could do anything that a man could and even better. Girls started trying to push these limits and as evidenced by the many successful women in the world, they aced it.

So the girl child is now empowered (although there’s still a lot of work to be done on that in the rural areas) and she can go for whatever she wants without any fears (apart from the fear of failure). That can be marked as a success story right there but it has had its own repercussions. The boy child.

I’m so used to hearing ‘girl child’ such that even the phrase ‘boy child’ sounds a little off, don’t you think? We assumed that the boys had it under control and they eased themselves into the position of having and wielding the power without any opposition. They were probably told they should and not ‘they can’. Women were devising their war tactics in the meantime and the men get the shock of their lives when they run into opposition.

These guys were trained to lead physical wars and not this other kind of war that doesn’t even make sense to them. The war was loud and violent at first but became ‘quieter’ over the years. Were these men taught responsibility, love, confidence, how to be a man, how to be a gentleman, how to take care of themselves and those around them and all the social norms that people live by? I’m not sure but maybe they were the power so they didn’t need to. They dictated what was right or not.

Men didn’t change much of their mindset but women had made some very extraordinary steps. They looked at life differently, had the liberty to do what they wanted and went ahead to do it. Does this threaten the man? Maybe but he can’t show it. He’s a man.

#Mydressmychoice has been doing the rounds this week because a woman was stripped in public. That woman was actually wearing trousers but this is how someone said it actually went down.

It wasn’t her dressing but how she spoke to them that angered them. I agree that everyone needs to dress decently and be courteous to people. Another angle here is the men who got so offended that they stripped her. She dared them, yes, but they stripped her. They have the power so no woman is supposed to speak to any man like that, right?

Correct me if I’m wrong but these men had their egos punched. How is it that a slight jab at their confidence got them so riled up that they turned it into a sexist war? Here’s another example but this time not physical.

   

Something went wrong somewhere when we were empowering the girl child. The boy child was left to ‘fend’ for himself and ended up having the wrong idea of manhood, unless you agree that that is the definition of a real man.

It’s a New Experience Every Time

Parenting has taught me quite a lot. Honestly, I’ve learnt much more than I ever would have learned if I would have followed the plan I had for my life. You know, go to campus, get a good job and focus all my energies on my job and career growth. I’d already started with a job at a great organization at 18 but that’s a story for another day. That is not to say that it wasn’t a great plan. Maybe it just wasn’t time yet.

You may think that once you have your first child you will learn all you need to have learnt to last you through all the other children you might have afterwards. It’s only logical that raising one child will give you great experience considering it is a very intensive training, right? Unfortunately, nature has other plans.

Even from infancy every child is different. I’m not referring to the obvious physical differences but to personality and how they respond to situations. Some children are extroverts while others prefer to brood on their own.  Others love food while others wonder why they have to eat all the time. Others find diapers a nuisance while others love the comfort that comes with them.

I only have one child right now but every time I think of getting another one it scares me! I keep imagining the first few months of sleepless nights, the frustration of not knowing what the baby wants yet they are actively communicating and all the diaper changes. That last one doesn’t bother me as such. At least not any more anyway. It sort of grows on you!

Whenever I have to babysit for my sister I become this other person. I worry and fuss over her baby (barely over a year) and we bond quite well. Sometimes he follows me instead of his mum (but that’s probably because we look alike). I think I do an okay job of babysitting but there is a difference between babysitting and having your own. With babysitting I can ‘return to sender’ if it gets too much. I am the sender if the baby is mine so I have nobody to return it to! (Does God count when the baby is screaming their lungs out?)

That’s about the scariest thought in my head: doing it all over again, alone. Thankfully, that’s not something I have to worry about right now because I’m single and not really mingling in those circles so there’s no baby headed this way any time soon.

I do however hope and pray for grace, patience and strength when the time comes. I’m also praying for a reliable and understanding husband who will help me raise all the children (I don't know what the future holds) into good, God-fearing and responsible people. Yes, I do hope to get married even with most of the population wondering what marriage is for.