It does not envy

This is what envy is described as in the dictionary: discontented or resentful longing aroused by another’s possessions, qualities, luck. Where to begin! The qualities maybe? Okay, so, it took me a very long time to see my abilities and strengths. I would do all these things but never saw that it was something special, something to write home about. Talk about low self-esteem eroding my self-appreciation and to a great extent self-love and self-belief.

I’ve always been great at Math and I never struggled, even in high school. That’s the one subject whose homework was first on my priority list because it came easy for me. I therefore wasn’t shocked by my grade in the final exam but it didn’t quite occur to me that it was a feat! Everyone else was however calling and texting going like, "Your Math grade, girl!"

The other thing I’m great at is singing. I’m not tooting my own horn but I love it when I sing! It’s grown and improved over time but it was always there. It actually runs in the family! I remember two of my sisters asking me to tell them how exactly a song went when we were younger and more than one time at that. Once as a 16-year old we were at a cousin’s wedding and I was seated amongst other cousins my age. A really great song was playing in the background and everyone started singing. I was a bit shy then so I was just smiling at them but when the music was too much to ignore I sang a bit of it and my cousins all turned and looked at me like ‘you sang that?’

Needless to say my confidence has increased a thousand-fold since then and I now believe in myself and my abilities. My son has inherited so much of all this! He keeps time (music-wise), loves guitar and drums, learns songs VERY FAST, is very attentive to detail, can operate a gadget he’s never used in a very short time and on his own, has a great sense of humour, is very social, loves to dance - breakdance, loves cooking and many more that we are yet to discover. He’s a serious improvement, you know, like Esther2.0 (or 2.8, hihi!).

I can’t bring myself to think, ‘Why did he get all that instead of me? I am, after all older’ and other silly annoying thoughts. I term them as annoying because it annoys me when someone talks like that. It tells me that this person is not confident in their own abilities, is not comfortable in their own skin. Silly because if you look inside yourself you will find that there is so much you have in you that there is really no reason for you to want what someone else has or to be like someone else.

You are the way you are for a reason. God didn’t create you by mistake or with mistakes. Genesis 1:27 says ‘so God created man in His own image’ and verse 31 says ‘God saw all that He had made and it was very good’. That tells me even my ‘flaws’ make me beautiful, great,

awesome in one way or another. They make me who I am. They remind me to always go back to Him for smoothing and ‘sandpapering’ because He knows me best and wants the best for me, lifting me higher the more I look to Him (from glory to glory).

As a human being, a mother, a friend and an authority over my son’s life I can’t envy him. I rejoice with him because of all the blessings that he has in him! I will continue to build and encourage him as much as I can!

It has impacted on the rest of my life and I find myself being happy for people, some I don’t even know. I see something and give an honest compliment be it a bag, dimples, skills, shoes, hair, a smile, teeth, or beauty. I know what it feels like to be appreciated because it helped me build my confidence and ended the self-doubt. I purpose to do it on others as well. Sometimes I don’t and it eats me up so if I point out that you are very wise and intelligent and your dimples are awesome right after you tell me about the impact of nanoscience on global warming, just know that I’m not in any way trying to throw you off.   

Love is Kind

I have to apologize for my prolonged absence. I had to do a little too much juggling in the past few weeks but I’m back now. And I’m making this a priority. We’re now on the next part which is ‘love is kind’.

The act of being kind is described as being generous and considerate. Being kind to someone means that you would not cause any harm to them. You might think that as a parent I would definitely not want to cause any harm to my child because he is my world, my own flesh and blood, the closest person to him and all other sweet and logical statements you can think of.

Well, that works out well the first few hours of his life when he looks like a cute and rather large pink rat or rabbit with shriveled skin. And then the wailing, sleepless hours and poop and pee sprays begin and you just might find yourself changing your mind.

I am not saying that I wanted to cause harm to my son because of all the above and others but it can be really tempting. The urge to let the boy cry for a few more minutes before you pick him up or delaying that diaper change because it’s the 6^th or 7^th one of the day or to even eat his food when he is being fussy can be really great! Ask other parents and they’ll tell you I’m not lying.

It can be really hard to be nice all through even though someone pees on your bed, or worse, on your face somewhere close to your mouth, every time you have a five-minute lull in your day. You however look at the little guy and his cute one-tooth smile and curly mop of hair and you just can’t bring yourself to do anything mean in response. The mean in you just dies! Plus it would be an unfair fight because he really doesn't understand what’s going on.

Kids can tell

There’s this thing that most people don’t realize. A child may not understand your words but they understand your emotions, tone and facial expressions. They know when you are not being nice and they can tell when you don’t really like them. That has an effect on them from the get-go. Look closely at a child who is constantly being shouted at and one who is constantly being praised and I assure you that you will notice a difference. I chose to build my son up instead of tearing him down.

Zip it

That has taught me to zip my mouth when my mind had quite a number of choice words to dish out. Not just to my son but to the rest of the world as well. It’s not easy considering people will cross your path and get under your skin. Others will provoke you on purpose just to see what your reaction will be. Some say I’m not aggressive enough or I should ‘fight back’ but “vengeance is mine, says the Lord”. I like that approach better. And He never disappoints, even though sometimes I would prefer to dish out the vengeance in a particular format!

It has helped me on my Christian walk because I cannot, as a Christian, say nasty words aimlessly. I can’t curse, stay angry or even carry a grudge because my God doesn't like it. It also reflects badly on my Jesus so I’ll stick to it. It has helped me with my deep-seated anger issues and it takes quite an effort to anger me right now.

Kindness is a virtue people and it doesn't cost a thing. Okay, maybe your pride. Being nice to people will actually give you favor with them (eventually and they may not even realize they changed camps) and with God as well. Remember, you reap what you sow.  

In The Shadow of the Almighty

I think by now you’ve realized that I’m a Christian and a staunch one at that. My life is governed by the Bible and my steps are ordered by the Lord. Some may wonder why I choose to remain steadfast in my beliefs considering my history. Let me give you a bit of it.

I was born into a Muslim family. Well, at least my dad is a Muslim. Children take after their dad’s religion and tribe in our African culture so we were Muslims. I did a little of the Islamic school (Madrassa) but I wouldn’t say it was substantial. Then I went to schools that were predominantly Christian even though the Muslims were given their space, so to speak.

I got born again in High School and it’s still very vivid in my mind. It was powerful. Like any other new believer I had my struggles and wrong perceptions. You think that the Lord wants you perfect and so you beat yourself up whenever you mess up. I had so many of those! I have grown over the years and have established an actual relationship with this God.

Relationship?

When in a relationship with someone you want to communicate with them and you do so at a different level. It’s not like talking to a casual acquaintance. The Lord has indeed become my salvation such that I run to Him whenever I’m scared, overjoyed, worried or even angry. He always listens and always gives me something to walk away with.  

Those who know me well know that I’ve had quite a number of ups and downs in my short life (I’m still young after all!) but God has pulled me out every single time. He has guided me through the roughest of storms and darkest of days. He has held my hand and let me cry my eyeballs out when I needed it. He has interpreted my tears when I didn’t have the right words to express my hurt or fear and turned it around to peace, joy and renewed strength and confidence.

Protection

The thing I am most grateful for today is protection. He has saved me from myself when I was sinking deeper and deeper into sin. He has kept me under His wing and shielded me from so many adversaries. He has made me whole again when it seemed like the only logical next step was to disintegrate.

It didn’t end with me though. He has kept my son in one piece as well. I didn’t have a troubled pregnancy, my son wasn’t sickly as a baby or toddler and even now as a pre-schooler. Come to think of it, it’s been a while since he even had the sniffles! (Let’s keep it that way, no, Papa?) He has kept him healthy and even healed him of a congenital condition (story for another day).

My son was recently hit by a moving bicycle. The cut on his forehead was deep and I knew it needed stitches as soon as I saw it. When we got to hospital the doctor asked me to explain what exactly happened and she was amazed. She said it could have been worse considering the other injuries he sustained were just bruises on his elbow that just needed cleaning. All I could think was “Jesus, thank you for saving my son”.

He had no pain throughout the week after getting stitched up and everyone was wondering how on earth he could afford to keep playing when he had a large bandage on his forehead. The stitches are out now and it has closed up completely. It looks as though someone had scratched him and not ripped his forehead open.

It may seem like a minor thing to some but I assure you to me it’s not. Ask the ones who saw me when I saw my son’s bleeding face (you remember I’m not so good around blood). I am more convinced of His love for me and mine. I know that under His shadow I will lack nothing.

Moment of Weakness

Physical strength has been tested by mankind for so many years. People have scaled the highest mountains and braved desert storms. Most of them come back alive with a great story to tell. These are without doubt very heroic acts.

The everyday mundane things in life can however sap the energy from you. You turn to the left and the dishes are not done so you do them. The house is suddenly dirty and you mop it nice and clean. It’s almost lunch time and the kids have to eat so you get that started. It’s nap time soon after and there’s more dishes (guys just had lunch, remember?). You have your work (aside from housework that is) and everyone seems to be calling you at the same time.

You may start out with all the zeal you can muster but as time goes by, you just find yourself for a moment (or four) wishing that you could just curl up and block the world out. I mean literally just take a pair of ear plugs or better yet, put the world on pause AND mute (just in case) so that you can take a deep long breath without anyone interrupting it.

Being a parent and a homemaker is really fulfilling but is oh so draining! I have had moments when I just wanted to give my son to someone, anyone really, just so I could have a few moments to myself. I imagine all the things I could do with such time like write that 1000-word article, replace the curtains without anyone pulling on them, watch that movie or series that is gathering dust somewhere in the house and even get myself a nice cold soda to sip slowly (it really is that serious).

I recently got such a chance and boy was I shocked! I did a little catching up with my work, got myself ice-cream and then started on that movie. I didn’t get too far though. My eyes suddenly became heavy and the sugar from the ice-cream did nothing to wake me up. I got myself a good 3 hours of sleep and the day seemed sunny again!

Now I know I was really tired and just needed the break. I thought I was going to start crying and slip into a minor depression of sorts because only God knows how bad it was. Nothing seems to get done or rather, you keep doing everything but it just doesn’t end!

Many people (whether male, female, parents or not) go through such phases. Instead of toning it down a bit you work yourself like a horse and as though it’ll reverse the effects of global warming. It’s never that serious (unless your work touches on said subject).

Take a breather, treat yourself to some rest and just smell the flowers. Don’t let life pass you by in a blur. Live as hard as you work. Don’t give room for depression to set in because it takes a lot more than a little fun or break to pull yourself out of it.  

Love is patient

So today I begin expounding on this Bible passage in relation to how my son has taught me how to love. Patience is the capacity to tolerate delay, trouble or suffering without becoming angry or upset.

God made us all in different ways so it might be a normal thing for some people to be very patient. It was very hard for me to wait for someone as they did their growing up thing. I usually expected people to handle things as I thought they should and I wasn’t so nice to them if they took their time and did it their own way. I preferred to call it tough love. My friend Joy will tell you that wasn’t nice. She’s seen that side of me a trillion times and it messed with our friendship. 

Baby is born

Enter Ryan. I can’t do what I want with him since I have to follow his lead. Feed on demand, carry him while standing up (I don’t know why babies like this because I still see some of my friends doing this), sing a lullaby or rock him to sleep, change diaper when required, put him down for a nap and the list goes on.

I couldn’t make him do what I wanted and I had to patiently work with him on his own terms. That was a great lesson right there! I can’t count the number of times I felt frustrated because Ryan wanted to keep going and I had something else to do. There’s a time I was up to my neck in assignments (I was going to school) and Ryan woke up at around 11pm. I had to give him some papers to tear up (tactile pleasure of books?) lest he tears up my assignments. We ended up sleeping at around 3am.

More patient and understanding

Over time I have become a little more relaxed and I let people do their thing. I have become a better listener and I credit that to the fact that my son speaks A LOT and he stutters. The stuttering is not that serious but he may come to you with a very serious look on his face or I could probably be in a hurry and he comes to my ear to tell me something and all I hear is one word and then another after a few seconds. Or the same word broken into a number of parts.

It used to frustrate me at first but my reaction would kill his little spirit (which is in no way little by the way) so I decided to stop and listen until he’s done. It’s become the norm now and most people know that my son is my first priority. If he comes and wants to talk and it seems urgent, I will gladly drop it all and listen to him quietly or with guiding questions. This has greatly improved his confidence and he doesn’t hesitate to talk to strangers wherever we go, as long as I’m somewhere close by.

I may still be a little impatient once in a while (especially when adults keep repeating the same mistakes and giving excuses instead of solutions) but I’m sure that I’m headed in the right direction. Slowly by slowly, my Lord is moulding me through this love.    

Be Careful What You Answer To!

Parenthood and all it comes with can take a great toll on you. People say that it is especially worse on working parents but I daresay that even a stay-at-home mum/dad has it rough. Probably even worse! Imagine having to listen to a tiny baby day in and day out and then add the house chores that never seem to end. You are practically starved of adult company. You find yourself repeating songs, instructions and phrases throughout the day and when your little one drops for bedtime you feel like the world is finally at peace again.
As humans we are wired to communicate and it starts from birth. Babies will cry to let you know they are hungry, sleepy, wet, bored and anything else they might be feeling. It is of course your duty as the primary caregiver to distinguish one from the other. That leads you to hoping and praying that they start talking soonest.
Time flies and before you know it, your sweet little angel can say more than just "Mama" and "dada". You enjoy teaching them new words and listening to the baby-talk. A short while later sentences are beginning to flow and you like that you can finally listen to full sentences from your munchkin.
Then the questions start flowing. Mum what is this? What does it do? How? Why? Why not this other way? Why won't you buy me that? Who is that? What did they say? Why? You get the drift. Questions that don't end! My boy's questions usually stop when he's asleep because even when he's dressing up for bed or already tucked in and drowsy he'll probably ask what we're having for breakfast the next morning. I relax when he's hanging out with someone else because I know I'll take a break from the Q&A session.
Owing to my regular schedule of unfinished chores (Lord I need a help! Amen!), my work (I work from home) and the parenting, I regularly have my hands full. I sometimes find myself far off in a distant land (hihi!) just whiling the moments away. Sometimes it's a construction site as I plan for my future home (from my lips to your ears Lord) and sometimes it's a quiet island with nobody but me, a large floppy hat, a bikini, sunscreen, a large cold glass of fresh fruit juice (I gotta keep my voice intact even on holiday), the ocean and a great book! This can even happen when I'm doing the dishes or taking a break from the computer screen.  
Being unaware of your surroundings is okay if you're alone. When you have a preschooler like mine, it's a different story. He keeps talking to me throughout my 'moment' and if I don't respond he either pokes or shakes me until I do. Of course I'll get a little irritated and instead of snapping at him (I try to be nice to keep the communication lines open in preparation for teenagehood) I may scrunch up my face and just say, "yeah, okay, mmhmmm" or whichever comes to mind. For some reason it's always in the affirmative.
When I see him running away with a huge grin I know I just made a big mistake. I call him back and ask him what he just asked me and he goes like, "I asked if I could finish the cake and you said yes" or "I asked if I could skip taking a bath today and you said yes". There goes his appetite for supper and those bed sheets will have a rough night!
My son reasons like an adult so changing that answer requires that we have a discussion. We talk about it in detail and agree on an alternative time for that which he wanted to do (if applicable) and then go back to the right schedule with him crossing his arms and inflating his cheeks
. Lord knows this can be frustrating at times!
So among my resolutions this year was to actually listen to my son. Not just to keep myself from trouble but to build his confidence as well. So far, so good. How well do you listen to yours?

The True Meaning of Love

There is a very famous passage in the Bible that usually comes up when people are getting married or are trying to determine if they made the right choice of partner. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 and part of verse 8. It goes like this in NIV (New International Version): Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

The first time I laid eyes on my son I thought ‘thank God it paid off!’ because the pain had been really excruciating. The nurses got scared at some point because I couldn’t sit or stand through any of the contractions so I was kneeling on the hospital bed which was rather high, come to think of it!

Once that phase passed and they had stitched me up and cleaned my boy is when I got to take a real look at my son. He looked like me! Honestly, he did. I compared our baby photos to confirm it, hihi! I was so excited at that fact and that’s probably because I’d chosen to be a single mum from the get-go. It would’ve been odd if I was raising a child alone and he looked nothing like me. I already had enough questions to answer you know!

I got to know him and the first night I woke up bleary-eyed. Did I even sleep? With time I learnt that babies have no perception of time. Or rather, their perception is reversed. My mum confirmed that to me when she said the same thing happened with all her children (no, I wasn’t that bad! Or I was and it was payback time) so I stopped fretting about it.

As the years went by (I can’t believe I can actually say that about my son right now!) I realized that I loved him more. I protected him fiercely and anyone who crossed his path was looking for trouble. Thankfully, my mum understood what I was feeling so she has stuck to the role of grandma throughout even when I had to leave my son with her for a while. I once gave my dad (and his dad in a different occurrence) a piece of my mind when he called my son names (or rather, didn't call him his actual name). You should have seen the look on my face and heard the tone in my voice! They both knew to back down.

Right now it’s very evident that we both love each other. Don’t get it wrong though. I didn’t know how to love like this. This little boy taught me how to love by loving me. I think children are born with that one instinct, to give love unconditionally and they never really stop unless something happens along the way to change that. Children know the real meaning of true love.  

Over the next few weeks I plan to break down that Bible passage to show you in detail how true this love is.