It does not envy

This is what envy is described as in the dictionary: discontented or resentful longing aroused by another’s possessions, qualities, luck. Where to begin! The qualities maybe? Okay, so, it took me a very long time to see my abilities and strengths. I would do all these things but never saw that it was something special, something to write home about. Talk about low self-esteem eroding my self-appreciation and to a great extent self-love and self-belief.

I’ve always been great at Math and I never struggled, even in high school. That’s the one subject whose homework was first on my priority list because it came easy for me. I therefore wasn’t shocked by my grade in the final exam but it didn’t quite occur to me that it was a feat! Everyone else was however calling and texting going like, "Your Math grade, girl!"

The other thing I’m great at is singing. I’m not tooting my own horn but I love it when I sing! It’s grown and improved over time but it was always there. It actually runs in the family! I remember two of my sisters asking me to tell them how exactly a song went when we were younger and more than one time at that. Once as a 16-year old we were at a cousin’s wedding and I was seated amongst other cousins my age. A really great song was playing in the background and everyone started singing. I was a bit shy then so I was just smiling at them but when the music was too much to ignore I sang a bit of it and my cousins all turned and looked at me like ‘you sang that?’

Needless to say my confidence has increased a thousand-fold since then and I now believe in myself and my abilities. My son has inherited so much of all this! He keeps time (music-wise), loves guitar and drums, learns songs VERY FAST, is very attentive to detail, can operate a gadget he’s never used in a very short time and on his own, has a great sense of humour, is very social, loves to dance - breakdance, loves cooking and many more that we are yet to discover. He’s a serious improvement, you know, like Esther2.0 (or 2.8, hihi!).

I can’t bring myself to think, ‘Why did he get all that instead of me? I am, after all older’ and other silly annoying thoughts. I term them as annoying because it annoys me when someone talks like that. It tells me that this person is not confident in their own abilities, is not comfortable in their own skin. Silly because if you look inside yourself you will find that there is so much you have in you that there is really no reason for you to want what someone else has or to be like someone else.

You are the way you are for a reason. God didn’t create you by mistake or with mistakes. Genesis 1:27 says ‘so God created man in His own image’ and verse 31 says ‘God saw all that He had made and it was very good’. That tells me even my ‘flaws’ make me beautiful, great,

awesome in one way or another. They make me who I am. They remind me to always go back to Him for smoothing and ‘sandpapering’ because He knows me best and wants the best for me, lifting me higher the more I look to Him (from glory to glory).

As a human being, a mother, a friend and an authority over my son’s life I can’t envy him. I rejoice with him because of all the blessings that he has in him! I will continue to build and encourage him as much as I can!

It has impacted on the rest of my life and I find myself being happy for people, some I don’t even know. I see something and give an honest compliment be it a bag, dimples, skills, shoes, hair, a smile, teeth, or beauty. I know what it feels like to be appreciated because it helped me build my confidence and ended the self-doubt. I purpose to do it on others as well. Sometimes I don’t and it eats me up so if I point out that you are very wise and intelligent and your dimples are awesome right after you tell me about the impact of nanoscience on global warming, just know that I’m not in any way trying to throw you off.