Parenthood by Grace

I’ve been a mother for 5 years now and it has been quite a ride! I started off very young and inexperienced, very inexperienced in fact. I didn’t know how to change nappies or diapers and my hands would tremble every time I tried to.

I grew up with my little sister barely two years apart and people actually used to think we were twins so I had no babysitting experience whatsoever. My baby’s cries drove me crazy at first and my first reaction was to just shove my boob into his mouth to get him to stop crying. It didn’t always work because he wasn’t always hungry. The troubleshooting by elimination was always hard work but it became easier to distinguish the cries with time. (Thank God!)

Crash course

My mum was around the first two weeks of my baby’s life and then she left and it was time to practice all the training I’d received during that two-week crash course. Boy was it hard! I was constantly tired (that hasn’t changed much) and my face said it all (that's changed a little, hehe!). School and motherhood definitely is crazy! Ask around and all the women doing it will tell you. I pulled through though for the time it lasted.

Through these 5 short years (trust me, it feels very short) I have been tested beyond my wildest expectations. I’ve learned to somehow handle blood (lots of it makes me gag and get goosebumps but my son has hurt himself a million times), my patience has improved, I’m more open to change and new things and I’m both a little scared and more confident all rolled into one. I laugh much more and small things make all the difference to me.

Was it really me?

Whenever I look at my son playing or look at people’s reactions when they are talking to my son I always get amazed at what I see. I see a brilliant little boy with so much life that I wonder how possible it is that I raised him. I know I was a wreck (my friends can tell you) and I couldn’t have done it by myself because he wouldn’t have been who he is right now.

Now I know that God has been there all along. He held my hand when all I wanted was to curl up and cry (sometimes die but more cry than die), He gave me a shoulder to lean on when I wanted to disappear from all the chaos and He chose me to help accomplish His purpose in this little boy’s life! If it wasn’t for your grace Lord I wouldn’t be here today.

That may sound cliché but it’s true. I wouldn’t be the mother that I have become and I wouldn’t be able to say all that I’m saying now. I wouldn’t have my son to make me smile a genuine happy smile every day and a little energy to clean up after him (make that a lot of energy).

I honestly have no regrets (apart from wasting time bashing myself for thinking that I was the worst mother ever) and I know that whatever comes my way, God is in control and He has equipped me to handle it fully.